ANTONY: I have sailed the world Beheld its wonders From the Dardanelles to the mountains of Peru But, there’s no place like London! MR. TODD: No, there’s no place like London! MR. TODD: You are young Life has been kind to you You will learn. There’s a hole in the world, Like a great black pit. And the vermin of the world inhabit it And its morals aren’t worth what a pig could spit And it goes by the name of London At the top of the hole sit a privileged few Making mock of the vermin of the lower zoo turning beauty into filth and greed I too have sailed the world and seen its wonders For the cruelty of men is as wondrous as Peru But there’s no place like London! (Sung) There was a barber and his wife And she was beautiful A foolish barber and his wife She was his reason and his life And she was beautiful And she was virtuous And he was…naive There was another man who saw That she was beautiful A pious vulture of the law Who with the gesture of his claw Removed the barber from his plate Then there was nothing but to wait And she would fall, so soft So young, So lost, And oh, so beautiful TODD: (sung) Oh, that was many years ago I doubt if anyone would know TODD: There’s a hole in the world like a great black pit And it’s filled with people who are filled with shit And the vermin of the world inhabit it.