Toby: Ladies and gentlemen May I have your attention puh-lease? Do you wake ev’ry morning in shame and despair To discover your pillow is covered with hair What ought not to be there Well ladies and gentlemen From now on you can waken at ease You need never again have a worry or care I will show you a miracle marvelous rare Gentlemen, you are about to see Something what rose from the dead-- On the top of my head! T’was Pirelli’s Miracle Elixir That’s what did the trick, sir True, sir, true Was it quick, sir? Did it in a tick, sir! Just like an elixir Ought to do How about a bottle, mister? Only costs a penny, guaranteed Does Pirelli’s stimulate the growth, sir? You can have my oath, sir ’Tis unique Rub a minute-- Stimulatin’ innit? Soon you’ll have to thin it once a week! Sweeney Todd: Pardon me, ma’am, what’s that awful stench? Mrs. Lovett: Are we standing near an open trench? Pardon me, sir, what’s that awful stench? Sweeney Todd: Must be standing near an open trench Toby: Buy Pirelli’s Miracle Elixir Anything what’s slick, sir Soon sprouts curls Try Pirelli’s! When they see the thick, sir You can have your pick, sir Of the girls! Wanna buy a bottle, mister? Sweeney Todd: What is this? Mrs. Lovett: What is this? Sweeney Todd: Smells like piss Mrs. Lovett: Smells like-- phew! Sweeney Todd: Looks like piss Mrs. Lovett: Wouldn’t touch it if I was you, dear Sweeney Todd: This is piss… Piss with ink Toby: Let Pirelli’s activate your roots, sir Sweeney Todd: Keep it off your boots, sir-- *leaks* right through Toby: Yes, get Pirelli’s! Use a bottle of it Ladies seem to love it! Mrs. Lovett: Flies do too!