sid vicious played a four-string fender bass guitar and couldn’t sing and everybody hated him except the ones who loved him a ukulele has four strings, but sid did did not play ukulele he did smack and probably killed his girlfriend nancy spungen if only sid had had a ukulele, maybe he could have been happy maybe he would not have suffered such a sad end he maybe would have not done all that heroin instead he maybe would’ve sat around just singing nice songs to his girlfriend so play your favorite cover song, especially if the words are wrong ‘cos even if your grades are bad, it doesn’t mean you’re failing do your homework with a fork and eat your fruit loops in the dark and bring your etch-a-sketch to work and play your ukulele ukulele small and forceful brave and peaceful you can play the ukulele too it is painfully simple play your ukulele badly, play your ukulele loudly ukulele banish evil ukulele save the people ukulele gleaming golden on the top of every steeple lizzie borden took an axe, and gave her father forty whacks then gave her mother forty-one, and left a tragic puzzle if only they had given her an instrument, those puritans had lost the plot completely see what happens when you muzzle a person’s creativity and do not let them sing and scream and nowadays it’s worse ‘cause kids have automatic handguns it takes about an hour to learn how to play the ukulele about same to teach someone to build a standard pipe bomb YOU DO THE MATH so play your favorite cover song, especially if the words are wrong ‘cos even if your grades are bad, it doesn’t mean you’re failing do your homework with a fork and eat your fruit loops in the dark and bring your flask of jack to work and play your ukulele ukulele, thing of wonder ukulele, wand of thunder you can play the ukulele, too in london and down under play joan jett, and play jacques brel and eminem and neutral milk hotel the children crush the hatred play your ukulele naked and if anybody tries to steal your ukulele, let them take it imagine there’s no music, imagine there are no songs imagine that john lennon wasn’t shot in front of his apartment imagine if john lennon had composed “imagine” on the ukulele maybe folks would have more clearly got the message you may think my approach is simple-minded and naïve like if you want to save the world then why not quit and feed the hungry but people for millennia have needed music to survive and that’s why i’ve promised john that i will not feel guilty so play your favorite beatles’ song and make the subway fall in love they’re only $19.95, that’s not a lot of money play until the sun comes up and play until your fingers suffer play LCD soundsystem songs on your ukulele quit the bitching on your blog and stop pretending art is hard just limit yourself to three chords and do not practice daily you’ll minimize some stranger’s sadness with a piece of wood and plastic holy fuck it’s so fantastic, playing ukulele eat your homework with a fork and do your fruit loops in the dark bring your etch-a-sketch to work your flask of jack your vibrator your fear of heights your nikon lens your mom and dad your disco stick your soundtrack from “karate kid” your ginsu knives your rosary your new rebecca black CD your favorite room your bowie knife your stuffed giraffe your new glass eye your sousaphone your breakfast tea your nick drake tapes your giving tree your ice cream truck your missing wife your will to live your urge to cry remember we’re all going to die so PLAY YOUR UKULELE