In einer dunklen Stunde, ach, alle Stunden sind dunkel hier. Aus einem Becher
von zartestem Flieder trinken wir Tee allein mit mir.
My name is BROKEN CHALICE and leaden I am filled all the way up to the
brim; filled with sadness, and with misery, and the most terrible of things.
Very soon I might overflow I fear, as I am filled with so much anger
and far too many tears
These words come from the depth of my discontent, to testify to you of the
displeasure that I harbour against the world; - and therefore myself.
Hush, here lies truth, sweet child, in all its obvious simplicity.
A long time ago; it seems; the boy has come to an agreement with
himself, to remain in this wretched life for as long as it hasn reached
the point of becoming totally; unbearable. Yes, he was prepared to
tolerate the bleakness of all things, of darkness, even nothingness itself, all
of this perhaps only to prove that life really isn worth an effort, that
an early VOLUNTARY DEATH is absolutely ALWAYS justified.
Yes, I DO confess. I have a secret wish: I often dream of dying, to dissolve
completely, to simply vanish, so that nothing, not a single grain, would ever
remain of me. No spark, no energy, no further existence for me, but most of all:
NO REBIRTH !!!
Alas, if I had this chance, this possibility, how free from worries could I be,
if I only had this ONE guarantee that there would be NO MORE tomorrows
lying in wait for me
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